my hair does this weird thing where it looks like shit all the time
holding in a fart all day and finally getting home
“everyone has their off days” I tell myself 15 days in a row
my dick has a lot in common with the sun
nobody likes looking directly at it?
It gives people cancer?
woAh woah woah
It rises at the crack of dawn?
it disappears at night?
direct exposure often leads to a nasty case of sunburn?
it needs to stay approximately 92,960,000 miles away from me?
nobody will ever touch it?
when you’re on tumblr/facebook and it’s your birthday